I made the move to wordpress...i hope youll all follow me over :)

heres the link: http://rediscoveringlauren.wordpress.com/

The comments il be leaving from now on will be under the name rediscovering lauren ( just incase anyone gets confused :))

I hope youll all continue reading and add me to your blogroll if i was on it already :)

Happy wednsday bloggers :)

I was not in the best of moods this morning as the wind was INSANE last night and seriously kept me awake...however i soon perked up when i realised the sun was out :)

I went on my usual jog around the park and then had college from 10-1.

Some of yesturdays eats:

breakfast:Am snack in class...... Self explanatory.....
Lunch:

what else could it be?

Dinner was my mums homemade spaghetti bolagnese ( healthified version..so good) but no pics obviously.....

Im really glad i went to group last night...the topic was just general...how was your week etc. As always i loved hearing what others had to say and learned a few new things.As always group is confidential so i cant talk about what was said but i can say one thing. One thing i LOVED that the group leader ( and ed centre owner ) said was recovery is like learning to swim....you can look at the water for as long as you want, but your not really in it, your not discovering how to stay afloat. The only way to learn how to stay afloat is to get in...maybe tread the water for a while..and sometimes we need a break and may hold on to the sides ( when we feel stuck maybe?) but when we are ready, as long as we keep testing the water and trying new swimming techniques..we will survive. i definetly did not do that metaphor any justice..she said it alot better but i think you guys will catch my drift.

Ive had the best day today.....my run earlier felt great and ive had the house all to myself this afternoon which i love, it means i can dance and sing around the house without anyone witnessing it :)......(am i totally alone in my love of being able to do this when alone in the house?).

My mum isnt going to be home in time for dinner so itll just be me and my sister when she arrives home from work. Shes moving back to australia in less than 2 months now, so i have to enjoy all the time left i have with her!

Ive been feeling very stuck in my daily routine for a good while now, i feel as though my days are always the same...get up, run, college, home...i feel like its one of the big issues i still need to tackle in recovery. So im really going to embrace this summer and make some changes....il be getting a part time job ( hopefully) which should change my day from what im used to, and with my friends finished school il get to see them more too therefore helping the social aspects of recovery. I also want to get more creative in terms of my eating...i love everything i eat which is why i dont vary it much, but varietys the spice of life right? so i think i need a lil more spice in my life :) the only thing that will remain the same.... the cereal in the mornings....we still have about 15 boxes downstairs....just thought id update you on some of my hopes for the summer!

I hope you all have a wonderful wednsday :)

much love

xxxxx

Happy tuesday girlies :)

So yesturday i never got to blog as just as i was about to, my bff ( who i dont see as much of anymore sadly) called me and asked if i wanted to go for a short drive and a walk along a local beach...i totally embraced this spontaneous last minute offer and within 5 minutes of her asking, we were off! It was really nice as the rain that had been pouring down heavily ALL DAY had stopped and the sun was coming out...so it was a nice evening!


Some of yesturdays eats:

Am snackidy snack: nanner, nature valley oat bar ( in sociology class)

Afternoon snack:

40G bag of mixed nuts almonds, cashews, pistachios, brazil and walnuts....

Din dins:

wholegrain codcake, veggies

( i know, boring...but i just let mum make my dins while i was out so it was ready when i got back from the walkies)

The next few weekends i have a few social outings planned which im really looking forward to :). One thing i find ALWAYS happens though is i look forward to a night out for ages and then on the day i end up backing out because i dont feel like going anymore or because i feel too tired ...but i need to just push myself to get more social regardless of how i feel...i cant make up any more excuses. ive been realizing lately how precious life really is....i want NO REGRETS..i want to live life to the full and i dont want to live in my comfort zone anymore. If i feel too comfortable with something, then i know im not pushing myself enough. One aspect of recovery i know i need to work on is the social side, and its not going to improve unless i make it. I dont want to waste any more of my life not really living....

I want to do one thing everyday that scares me.....

So i have group tonight which im looking forward to. I wonder what the topic will be. What i love about group is the uniqueness of it. we dont talk about specific behaviors/numbers/weight/food etc....we focus on the real problems that our eds mask....we focus on how our week was, what emotions we felt, what we worked on, what we want to work on etc. I love hearing everyone else speak about their experiences and journey..it really shows me that im not alone in this.

I only 2 more weeks of college left, then one week off then a week of exams and then im done for almost 5 months :) i cant wait for summer!! I plan on looking for a part time job in the next few weeks *fingers crossed* ..i hope i find one in this current economic climate....

Have a wonderful tuesday :)

much love

xxxx

Happy sunday :)

I cant belive the weekends over already.....

Some of yesturdays eats:

Breakfast:
Am snackidy-snack:
odwalla choco-walla bar, apple

Oh.my.god.....i LOVE this bar....SO good....it tasted just like a brownie...and it was so big too, so i got to enjoy it for ages :) and it was super fun to break off!

Din dins:

omlette/frittata( was meant to be an omlette but it got a little overcooked) with one egg, one egg white, ham, red onions and garden peas

so i had therapy today but instead of having a one to one talking session, we decided to do some reflexology as my therapist is also a reflexologist and she said reflexology has helped some of her other clients to get back their menstual cycle as it can wake up the body and get it flowing again. It was something i was dreading as, for some reason, i hate feet and also feel self-concious of my feet so having someone working on them for an hour DID NOT appeal to me..but in the end after i got over the fear of it , it was really relaxing! like an hour long foot massage. But ive been thirsty ALL DAY since..she said that would happen as its like my system is being cleansed etc ( she explaine dit properly and alot better than my lame attempt..) hopefully il notice the benfits soon and with a few more sessions il see some results *fingers crossed*

Ive been thinking alot about recovery and when i really started to give it my all...and im SO glad i did CHOOSE to recover. I think when we are in the depths of an ed and cant see why we should get help, its very hard for our family and friends to watch...to see us press the self-destruct button over and over again, but no matter how much they push us into recovery through various ways ( like making us go to therapy, hospitalization etc...) at the end of the day WE need to make the choice to fully let go of our ed and more forward. I think we have to WANT recovery more than anything...and im really realizing that in order to fully recover, i have to be fully willing to give up anything and everything to do with my ed to achieve a life without ed. Theres no picking and choosing what aspects of recovery i partake in...i have to give it my all!

I remeber at the start of recovery, my parents were making me attend therapy at the ed centre and i thought i was fine and didnt need help. But slowly over time, when i really started paying attention in therapy, did i realize how bad everything was, how numb i felt and how badly i wanted freedom from this. It had taken enough of my life and i wanted to move on. So since then, for almost 2 years now, ive been doing all i can, step by step, inch by inch to really piece together that recovery puzzle. Its really easy to not take responsabilty during recovery, because no one asks for an ed so no one can really blame us for developing one...but i think untill you let go of the "victim to the ed" mentality, its just holding you back. We cant control all the thoughts we get, but we CAN choose our actions, which is a big realization i came too during recovery after feeling for so long that i couldnt control the ed, that the ed was controlling me. I control MY ACTIONS, even if that means going against the thoughts im having.

"I choose the way my future will go"

Have a wonderful, relaxing sunday :)

much love

xxxxx

Happy saturday girlies :)

So this morning i was up and in the park ready for my usual jog by around 8 ( can you tell im a morning person?) and at first my legs were feeling so heavy and i wasnt sure if i was in the mood for a run ( you runners out there will know what i mean when i say my legs felt heavy...) so i decided to keep going for 5 minutes and if i still wasnt enjoying it, it stop and just walk...but then i ended up having THE GREATEST RUN EVER! Remeber how before i said i wanted to run the entire park twice? Well thats exactly what i did today :) After the first lap i was just going to walk the second, but then i though..il just keep going for another minute..and before i knew it id finished the second lap...i mean i was a sweaty mess haha but i felt great! I cant wait to do it again soon.

Anyways heres some of yesturdays eats:


Breakfast:

Am snack:

ww pancake with nutella ( not very photogenic..but sooo good!!)

, nanner, strawberries n grapes

Lunch: old pic, but i had the usual sammie combo but with tuna instead of turkey

Afternoon snack:

gingersnap larabar....so good!

Dinner: was a lean beef, veggie and noodle stir fry ( no pic as the family was in the kitchen)

Night time snack:

danone activi with granola...whilst enjoying some edward cullen action :)

So yesturday i felt hungry, i couldnt belive it. i think my hunger signals are starting to return which makes me so happy....eating is SO much more enjoyable when your hungry. I cant remeber the last time i was hungry for lunch, an afternoon snack and dinner. It was crazy! And at first i thought maybe it was due to me cutting back slightly, but then i realized i was hungry for my am snack ad lunch and i used to eat the food i cut out in the afternoon so there was no conneciton. Im definetly not complaining though..it made me feel more normal..eating when i was actually hungry rather than just eating depending on the time etc. And this moring i was starving around the time i usually have my am snack too...but i put that down to the extra mileage i ran.

Today me and my sister are planning on heading out to town after lunch to look in some shops etc...i probably wont even buy anything, most of the time we just go shopping as there isnt much else to do. What are your weekend plans? what do you like to do for fun?

With exams coming up i wanted to share with you my method for dealing with stress:

1. Acknowledge the feeling of stress
2. Look at the situation or task causing you stress and break it down into different parts.
3. Focus on completing one part at a time
4. Trust in your ability to deal with the situation.
5. Use breathing techniques in times of stress
6. Ask for help if you need it
7. Seek re-assurance from those around you- ask for advice and feedback
8. Mark things off as you complete them for a sense of satisfaction

i find this method really helpful as schoolwork used to stress me out ALOT and i never knew how to deal with it till recently. Now i handle stress so much better and i dont let it affect my emotional well-being.

I also wanted to mention that some days i may not get time to blog everyday in the upcoming weeks as i have my end of year exams at the start of may and really need to focus on them. I should still be able to blog daily most days, but if there are any days where i feel i cant, please bear with me, i promise things will be back to normal in just over a month!

Have a great saturday :)

much love

xxxxx

Happy friday girlies :)

Yesturday i never got a change to post as after college me and my mum decided to go shopping for a few hours...i was so tired when i got home after 4 hours of walking around non stop so i just collapsed on the couch for the night.

Some of yesturdays eats:

Breakfast:

Am snackidy snack when i got home from college ( i only have one class on thursdays from 9-10)

grappes, huge strawberries, gingerbread clif bar

wow this bar was so good! i loved the gingery flavour, and the icing was good too.

This would be my 4th fav cliff bar.....1st is maple nut, 2nd is white choc macadamia nut, 3rd is choc chip.

Lunch was in the car on the way to the shops..it was the usual sammie...

Afternoon snack that i bought fresh from the marks and spencers bakery...

fresh white chocolate chip cookie (old pic as i was out with no camera)

dinner :

chicken and veggie skewars with plain side salad....i love raw carrots

Nightime snack: activia yogurt with granola

Im so glad its the weekend. I feel so tired this week for some reason...i think i still need to get an extra long nights sleep at some stage to make up for missing almost a full nights sleep last saturday.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful, supportive comments. I really appreciate all the advice. I want to reassure everyone that i will NOT use this as an excuse to under nourish myself. Im trying to look at this from an outsiders perspective and think what would i advise if someone else were in the same position. I decided to cut out 2 things that i added when trying to gain weight last august that i never really pictured on the blog out of pure laziness, as i dont blog everything i eat. These 2 small changes will not make an impact to hunger at all, and i barely notice their absence. Its not a huge change, but it adds up so hopefully this will be all i need to reach a maintenance level as i was gaining so slow ( maybe from last august/september) that i wasnt going over my maintenace too drastically i dont think.

I feel really good about how much stronger i feel physically, and although it is odd to feel more normal looking now, its definetly nice to not have people staring at me when im out in public, because that used to happen all the time, it was very obvious how sick i was and i HATED the feeling. I think everything in recovery takes some getting used to...changes of any kind are uncomfortable but they are SO worth it, so remember to never loose site of the goal at hand and always keep pushing forward in the right direction, because usually the more ed resists the change, the more likey its a big one that is crucial for recovery!

Twilights out over here today and i cant wait to watch it again...so me and my sis are going to watch it when she gets back from work laters! i cant wait to see edwards face again :)

I hope you all have a wonderful friday :)

much love

xxxxx

Happy first day of april girlies :)

I cant belive march is over already...its gone by so fast!

So unfortunatly, my eats have been very boring this week so im not going to bother posting pics, but i promise to get some this weekend! During the week i tend to snack on the same thing everyday in coll cause its what works for me and is the easiest thing to eat in class. And as far as afternoon snacks go, ive been drinking the fortisip as i have been to full to eat during the afternoon.

So i thought id post some pretty pictures that came with my laptop instead......

These pictures remind me how beautiful nature is...the world in its most simplistic form.

Ok so i was and still am very hesitant to post about the following....so POTENTIAL TRIGGER ALERT...PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED....

Well basically im transitioning from trying to gain weight to maintain now. Although my bmi isnt 18, me and my parents and therapist etc feel its ok for me to maintain the weight ive reached and see if my periods return as im in GREAT HEALTH according to my doctor ( minus the mensturation cycle..but that can just take time to return)..my bloods have been great and stable for the last few months and i look and feel so much healthier, and my parents couldnt agree more! Now the problem is, im kind of lost with how to maintain, as ive been continuing to eat the same thing the past few weeks as i was when gaining, at first i had started maintaining so i figured my body needed the extra cals now to maintain this healthier weight. However, this week i decided to weigh myself...and i have still been gaining...not much, as i gained slow and steadily since last summer but nevertheless, it means i need to figure out how to maintain and what works for me.

Now with the financial situation at the moment at home, seeing the nutritionist again isnt an option..and she never talked about calories anyways as they dont belive in using numbers at the ed centre so i dont think there would be any point in going and asking her what i should eat for maintenance anyways. So basically i have to experiement and try differnt things in terms of what to cut out...i know its crucial to ensure i dont loose weight which is why i think its like treading on water...i need to make sure i cut out enough, but not too much. So far, i cut out a few small things here and there that i never photographed..like my daily trailmix i used to have, and the 1/4 eatnatural cerealbar i had everyday at lunch...so im going to see how that works out and if that will lead to maintenance. And if not, well il probably reduce my afternoon snack slightly as im alwaus stuffed eating that and never feel like one anyway, i wont cut it out, just maybe reduce it slightly.

I am feeling very apprehensive about this just in terms of really not knowing how to maintain.there is part of me that is scared i wont be able to and that il just keep gaining. I would really appreciate any tips or advice anyone has? anyone whos had to figure out how to maintain on their own? how would you go about it?

Im really trying to see this in a rational way...im tryin to step back and not let ed enter this, and so far so good...im not too worried about this triggering me or anything, because im well past being triggered by anything like this, its just im feeling confused as how to approach this as im still out of whack with my hunger signals.

I really hope no one was triggered by that, and if so im really sorry, i just needed to get it off my chest. when i asked my mum, her response was maybe to cut out the afternoon snack, but im not sure if thats such a good idea, i know she is only trying to help, but the whole time i was gaining she left me to it, my parents are very supportive and of course encouraged me, but as soon as i started gaining they stopped telling me i needed to and left me to it, which i think was good in a way as i gained the weight for me and my health, not to make them happy. so as far as asking them for help, i dont think il get much from it. Im just feeling a little on my own in this right now and would really appreicate some support and help......

I hope your all having a wonderful day,

much love

xxxxx